TGIFurahidays!

[tweetmeme source=”Joliea” only_single=false]

Thank God Its Furahiday!!!

I am excited about…

Hmmm….lets see…first of all, jana nite we didnt go to WamathaiSept as planned 😦 why? because friggin KPLC had to go n w** whatever!! nkt! theeeen….it was postponed to leo! and guess what? I CAN’T Go!!! *ngweeeeeee!!!* I have this training thing that I leave for at 5pm huh!! #FML so…basically I don’t feel thaaat excited. *frown*

Today I’m feeling…

Refer above. No seriously. Go back, read it twice or thrice of fowice..err…is that a word?? anyway..basically…..feelings hakuna so don’t even ask! Mschew!!

The ngoma that’s kicking me up lately…

Shawty Imma only tell you this once, you the illest (dat for dat dat dude)
And for your lovin’ Imma Die Hard like Bruce Willis
(bah ba dah dah oh)
You got spark, you, you got spunk
You, you got something all the girls want
You’re like a candy store
And I’m a toddlor.
You got me wantin’ more and ma ma more of

Your love,your love(yeah)
{repeat 4x}
Your love, your love
{repeat 4x}

Can you guess it? 😀

On this weekend…

Same as last week…..GOD I need a break!! As in …yani…… huh!!

I am soo craving…

Haven’t had this in ages!!

I just wish…

…that everything I’ve ever dreamed of, ever said I shall do, ever thought of doing, ever even had the slightest idea I could do, ever hoped of happening for me……….HAPPENS IN MY LIFETIME!

Inspiration for the week…

I love this woman’s quotes 😉

Have a MARVELLOUS Furahiday y’all!!!!

*Over & Out*

Happy September!

[tweetmeme source=”Joliea” only_single=false]

Its friggin September people!!!

How on earth did the year fly by so so fast?? Anywho, mwezi ndio huo umetufikia na the best we can do is appreciate it.

Happy September!! (photobucket.com)

Gawsh! The number of things I gats to do this week and the next are astronomical!!! ← astronomical hmm..nice word! But am not complaining. I know that I have the energy to make it happen and that’s whats important.

Now the only nice thing am happy about is my weekend at Mombasa!!! waah! Si I had mad fun aki!!! am planning to do a post on it but enyewe vile am swamped I dunno when al get round to doing it 😦

anyhoo, picha moja ya kuentice watu 😀

Yahwoo!!!

*Over & Out*

Even Roses Have Thorns

[tweetmeme source=”joliea” only_single=false]

This is going to be short.

I am only human. Am I making apologies for that? No. But am I acknowledging the fact that I can make mistakes? Yes.

The reason I am making this post is to vent.

Definitions of vent on the Web:

  • give expression or utterance to; “She vented her anger”; “The graduates gave vent to cheers”

I am frustrated. And its not just me, my boss too. Why? I AM INNEFFICIENT! Yes. It may look all rosy on the outside, but enyewe I have no one to blame but ME! I don’t like negative words so I avoid them as much as I can. But at this point I am trying as much as possible to resist shouting to myself and hitting my head on the wall whilst saying “STUPID!! STUPID!! STUPID!!”.

I have no idea why I did this to myself and upto now I am still trying to figure it out.

Ok, so why am I inefficient? Here’s the thing. I was given like the umpteenth chance to redeem myself at work. And when I say umpteenth I do mean umpteenth!!! Probably my immediate superior will read this and wonder kwani what the hell I was doing when all those words were being hurled at me! Its a new position and I need to make it relevant. I am taking up stuff already being handled by others and God knows that isn’t easy. I am so frustrated and angry at myself. SO ANGRY. Yea yea, this is kinda public and kinda personal but hey…its me! This is whats happening. I am mad. Mad angry. And I haven’t the slightest clue how I am gonna fair the next coupla days! Huh!

Okay, I need to stop. We do have our crazy moments at times. This one is mine. And I am sharing it with the whole world. People who know me will now wonder if they knew me. Yes. I am innefficient. Yes. I am lazy. Yes. I am stupid. Yes. I am down. Yes, I am inexperienced. Then why the hell do I have this job? Why the hell do I still have YET ANOTHER CHANCE?????

Reason??? They see something in me. They see potential. They see my brilliance. They see my uniqueness. They see my smartness. You know what? This kinda reminds me of some episodes of America’s Next Top Model. Where Tyra and the rest of the judges would call up a girl on judging day and tell her how she’s so pretty and has all this potential yet she has nothing to show for it. I feel like those girls now. I feel inadequate. I feel horrible. No, don’t console me. I need to feel this. I have to. Its the only way I can get it through my head.

And me? Do I think I have potential? Yes! I do believe I am smart and I have what it takes. I am the one who suggested the position in the first place. I felt it. I have the passion for the organisation. Why doesn’t it show? I have no clue. Imagine that! What kind of a person am I? You must be thinking I am such an instable person. What kind of a mad woman goes in public and cries to the world her frustrations???? Sheesh!! yes. I do think I can do it. Why I am not reeeeallly doing it…now thats the question I need to go ask myself.

I plan to go home today and bang my head in the wall a few times. Maybe like 50 times. Maybe then my apparent brilliance will bounce back. No, I’m not mental. I am fine. Just need a wall and some space. Oh and bandages too. Those will come in handy. I am not laughing. I wish I could.

So why vent like this? Why now? My contract ends soon. I cannot forget those words.

You are butterfly. Pretty but does absolutely NOTHING.

Harsh? Yes, why not. Let it be this way. Let it even be more. I am stupid. I need theraypy. No, a few hundred bangs on the head might do the trick. Then pick me at Nairobi Hospital and I will be good to go.

Am I a fake? I claim to be brilliant. To be creative. To be smarter than I think. To be multi-talented. So many other things. Where is all this? Where is the proof? My former boss may say something about it, but now, come to think of it, maybe she cant. Maybe she was like “phew! Good riddance” when I quit.

I will get back on my feet. And I have to do it fast. I know I said this will be short. Yes, apparently I am a liar too.
But not to worry. Tomorrow is another day. I always believe that I don’t carry forward vents of the yester. Maybe thats a lie too.

Maybe not.

All I know is that at this moment in time. I just want to go home and bury my head in the sand. Maybe a pizza will cheer me up. I wish I had booked it in time. Or a cup of coffee I was offered by a friend. But I wouldnt be any good company at this state.
Bla bla bla. I have blabbered. This is me. This is the real me. I am naïve. I am young. I am learning. I know nothing. Don’t be fooled.

Even roses have thorns and fade away in days.

%d bloggers like this: