Kenyans Arise!

I had a buzz of inspiration today when talking to my colleague. He was telling me that one of the reasons why he’s going to vote for Uhuru Kenyatta (YES! I said the name, now get me for hate-speech or whatever!) is because he feels he’s the most viable person to take this country far.

My simple rationale for who I am going to vote for is this: what is their track record? If s/he has been notorious for being on TV for all the wrong reasons time and again, you really expect me to consider them at all? How?

Then he (my colleague) told me something else. He said that he “doesn’t see Kenyans voting for someone else other than Uhuru or Raila” and he actually thinks Raila will win. Fine. But he’s basis was that for some reason, some African or Kenyan reason, its a race between the two. I smell something not nice. And I won’t say it.

Basically, and to cut this short, I am sick and tired of us Kenyans voting for the same crap over and over again. We have seen these people for years on end and all we do is complain about them. I simply cannot understand how, when you’re the employer, you can say how an employee is time and again failed you and lost or stolen your hard earned cash in your business and you keep renewing their contract. Because for real, these people, these MPs are our employees. Untill we are able to view how much we have power over them is when we are going to see some serious revolution in this country. Untill we actually realise that the constitution we passed has increased our power and tightened structures to ensure we get what we deserve is when we will have a glimpse of Utopia.

People, its OUR time to eat. Ours. We Kenyans. We ordinary Wananchi. Its up to us to make the change we want to see. We know how to yap yap yap but can we walk the talk? Till when will we let the people we vote for kanyaga kanyaga us like we are thigiriri? Are you a thigiriri? By letting them do what they want you’re turning over power to them. Let us not be fooled. It is US who have the power, not them. Because I am very sure, that is the notion we have. Yes, even you who earns a measly 0.1% of what your employee (MP) gets, have power over him because why, he is your employee.

KENYANS ARISE! GET RID OF ALL THE CRAP!

And remember, we have a caveat. If an MP does something silly, we can remove him! Make sure you vote for someone you trust.

Its about time.

Enough of politics, let me get back to work.

*Over & Out*

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Monday Rant!

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I’m thinking of starting a tradition. But am never good with those (even my written english can be oh so pathetic at times … pathetic… don think of Ian puleez!) so I won’t bother. But I have, haven’t I? Oh bear with me wont you!

Monday Blues! Most mondays are a drag for most people. Why? Lemme c how many reasons I can come up with.

  1. They had a blast over the weekend and now they’re hangied.
  2. They had a blast over the weekend and now they regret why Monday came to spoil it all.
  3. They had a nasty weekend and now they have to go to work.
  4. They had a really good weekend and woke up high spirited but then sijui some mat drama messed it all up.
  5. They had a nasty weekend then to top it all off they didn’t have power Monday morning, didn’t fua clothes, don’t have fresh clothes or underwear and woke up late! Daeng!

Basically, we go through these stuff every now and then and it doesn’t have to be Monday mornings but why the eff does it have to always happen on a Monday???

Anyway, so lemme rant some more… hence the title “Monday Rants”

Any lady out there bought them darn expensive and overly advertised Kiwi Smiling Feet? Amazing huh? NOT!! They’re pathetic! (ian what did u do to me!?) As in really!! Okay, I know the gel heel cushion will work because they just go underneath but the rest are just a rip off! Those strap thingys make ur shoe too tight, those heel liners don’t even stick… does any of their product work? Really? Am so so pissed! So so effing mad! (@gotissuez asked me to do this & there is a post there.)

My rant dismissed.

*Over & Out*

Who Likes Mondays?

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Quite a way to start a Monday eh?..

I hate complaining. Much like I hate arguing, pretenders, hypocrites, sycophants and other crazies. But sometimes complaining helps. Not on this one though, there is virtually nothing I can do about it.

My sitting position. I hate it. I hate it because its wide open to prying eyes. Now now, before anyone reprimands me for some “holier-than-thou” comments about bla bla bla, lemme give you my effing rant!

I sit at the corridor. Well, not quite the corridor, but its somewhat the same. I sit at a place where my comp screen faces the main corridor of the office. Now. Seated at my desk, people pass behind me. The door directly to my right leads to one boss. The door directly to my back-left is the exec’s office. The door right behind me is to my finance boss and then the door to my back-right is my direct bosses office! Now, picture this.

Every time each one of them come out of their offices, one of the first things they set their eyes on is my back, then most probably my comp screen. I am a multitasker. I have sijui how many tabs on both my browsers, and they include work-related stuff, I have other files and docs open too so…my tabs hapo chini are many. So if someone happens to pass and most of the time they find me on sijui facebook ama seesmic (which am sure they’re still tryna figure out what the hell it is I do there all the time!) and think “huyu anafanyanga kazi saa ngapi?” and a small part of that is the cause of this…but am not complaining.

You know what? Am tired of complaining. I shall say like what my friend said here, I don’t care. I shall do me. I shall be me. I shall do my best to complete tasks as required while do what I like doing. They have put no restrictions to browsing, personal blogs and to them, the freedom and open space is important for employees to show enthusiasm and zeal towards their work and also to show maturity in ensuring that while such amenities are available, it doesn’t stop them from performing; if anything, it should compliment, if not inspire.

And am done ranting for leo.

*Over and Out*

Posted in Rants. Tags: , , . 8 Comments »

Cha-Ukweli!

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addiction. cant fight it. dunno why donno how it just comes. its so annoying effing annoying. no wonder i say dont ask. DADT dont ask dont tell. no not that us thingy they have going on just my vomit of nonsense on this keyboard.

nina kazi. job. mob sana. but ebu ona kile nafanya saa hii.. kiwabore na upuzi…reminds me of that ad….

muache ushenzi……..mufanye uungwana…..

am nuts! when did i ever begin this? kweli? seriously? chaukweloh! na wacha nicomplain kidogo. am not getting votes! mschew…siringi…nafeel vibaya tu…..kidogo tu….naskia kajelooh! eeh ebu kwanza click here

click here and vote!! eeh vote for me for moi…ME I THINK nimewekwa hapo kwa “Action”….kwani umesoma hii ya nini? ppshh!

imagine dont hate me. am nice. am the nicest person ul ever meet. maybe kinda insane….as in kwani hujasoma? haha! halafu kama nimeweka strikethrough na haijatokea shida yako! nyinyi wordpress al sue ya a&#@#$ kabisa! am gonna sue. eeh. hiyo sijaweka

basicallly this is a boring crazy silly stupid way of wasting time for someone being paid effing shillings to use some bongolala and make the company some chumsr…eerrm….organisation some.,..err..what do we do again???

I am smarter than this!

na sasa ukitaka kuona photo credit angalia hapo down usome…eh…

byes byes

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Even Roses Have Thorns

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This is going to be short.

I am only human. Am I making apologies for that? No. But am I acknowledging the fact that I can make mistakes? Yes.

The reason I am making this post is to vent.

Definitions of vent on the Web:

  • give expression or utterance to; “She vented her anger”; “The graduates gave vent to cheers”

I am frustrated. And its not just me, my boss too. Why? I AM INNEFFICIENT! Yes. It may look all rosy on the outside, but enyewe I have no one to blame but ME! I don’t like negative words so I avoid them as much as I can. But at this point I am trying as much as possible to resist shouting to myself and hitting my head on the wall whilst saying “STUPID!! STUPID!! STUPID!!”.

I have no idea why I did this to myself and upto now I am still trying to figure it out.

Ok, so why am I inefficient? Here’s the thing. I was given like the umpteenth chance to redeem myself at work. And when I say umpteenth I do mean umpteenth!!! Probably my immediate superior will read this and wonder kwani what the hell I was doing when all those words were being hurled at me! Its a new position and I need to make it relevant. I am taking up stuff already being handled by others and God knows that isn’t easy. I am so frustrated and angry at myself. SO ANGRY. Yea yea, this is kinda public and kinda personal but hey…its me! This is whats happening. I am mad. Mad angry. And I haven’t the slightest clue how I am gonna fair the next coupla days! Huh!

Okay, I need to stop. We do have our crazy moments at times. This one is mine. And I am sharing it with the whole world. People who know me will now wonder if they knew me. Yes. I am innefficient. Yes. I am lazy. Yes. I am stupid. Yes. I am down. Yes, I am inexperienced. Then why the hell do I have this job? Why the hell do I still have YET ANOTHER CHANCE?????

Reason??? They see something in me. They see potential. They see my brilliance. They see my uniqueness. They see my smartness. You know what? This kinda reminds me of some episodes of America’s Next Top Model. Where Tyra and the rest of the judges would call up a girl on judging day and tell her how she’s so pretty and has all this potential yet she has nothing to show for it. I feel like those girls now. I feel inadequate. I feel horrible. No, don’t console me. I need to feel this. I have to. Its the only way I can get it through my head.

And me? Do I think I have potential? Yes! I do believe I am smart and I have what it takes. I am the one who suggested the position in the first place. I felt it. I have the passion for the organisation. Why doesn’t it show? I have no clue. Imagine that! What kind of a person am I? You must be thinking I am such an instable person. What kind of a mad woman goes in public and cries to the world her frustrations???? Sheesh!! yes. I do think I can do it. Why I am not reeeeallly doing it…now thats the question I need to go ask myself.

I plan to go home today and bang my head in the wall a few times. Maybe like 50 times. Maybe then my apparent brilliance will bounce back. No, I’m not mental. I am fine. Just need a wall and some space. Oh and bandages too. Those will come in handy. I am not laughing. I wish I could.

So why vent like this? Why now? My contract ends soon. I cannot forget those words.

You are butterfly. Pretty but does absolutely NOTHING.

Harsh? Yes, why not. Let it be this way. Let it even be more. I am stupid. I need theraypy. No, a few hundred bangs on the head might do the trick. Then pick me at Nairobi Hospital and I will be good to go.

Am I a fake? I claim to be brilliant. To be creative. To be smarter than I think. To be multi-talented. So many other things. Where is all this? Where is the proof? My former boss may say something about it, but now, come to think of it, maybe she cant. Maybe she was like “phew! Good riddance” when I quit.

I will get back on my feet. And I have to do it fast. I know I said this will be short. Yes, apparently I am a liar too.
But not to worry. Tomorrow is another day. I always believe that I don’t carry forward vents of the yester. Maybe thats a lie too.

Maybe not.

All I know is that at this moment in time. I just want to go home and bury my head in the sand. Maybe a pizza will cheer me up. I wish I had booked it in time. Or a cup of coffee I was offered by a friend. But I wouldnt be any good company at this state.
Bla bla bla. I have blabbered. This is me. This is the real me. I am naïve. I am young. I am learning. I know nothing. Don’t be fooled.

Even roses have thorns and fade away in days.

That Thing Called Anesthesia

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I decided to write this post just because. Yea, just because!

Well I was bored. And I hadn’t posted anything in a while so there. Thats why.

I’m at home. Nursing my wounds… No, just nursing!. I went for surgery on Monday. There was something I needed to take care of and I finally had the means to do so! Whoopeee!!

To be honest, I am so proud of me. Really proud.

Now its recovery time. And boy oh boy am I bored. I don’t know whether the title of “Workaholic” befits me but enyewe I’m not the kind of person who yearns for 3-day weekends! I rarely go out and, coffee dates…wait, what are those? Exactly! I tend to be by myself a lot. And I am very particular when it comes to spending money! In other words, I call myself an economist. Going out for me needs to be budgeted for! Actually, almost everything for me needs to be budgeted for, planned ahead, etcetera etcetera.

Funny, I call myself spontaneous….. hmmm…..

I have never gone “under the knife” nor had a “nip and tuck” (Hehe am tryna be funny here! Work with me!) bur honestly, that experience was amazing. I mean, you get goosebumps all over and you talk with the doctor and he’s all cool calm and collected (unlike you!—thats why you never did medicine!) telling you to relax…its just an hour long operation ….and you’re on safe hands…am experienced….and don’t worry…you wont feel a thing….and all that nonesence stuff! In your head you cant stop thinking OMG! OMG! OMG! How is it gonna be! OMG! Am I okay? OMG! What the fkuc is anasthesia? OMG! Say what? I wont feel nothing? PHEW!!! Your worst fears are over and you smile back at him and follow him to the operating room.

Hmm…that light is big I say! Oh why are there so many people in here? Didn’t you say its a small operation?

Yes dear, don’t worry. These are students and they’re here to learn. You don’t mind now do you?

Oh no, of course not! I don’t mind…except you never told me am gonna be a lab rat! Kwani who do you think I am? You just wanna cut me up infront of these strangers and…

Ah,,,these ain’t no strangers Joliea, this here is Matthew, Mary, Lu….

I don’t give a isht who they are! I ain’t no lab rat… I am a well respected……. ooh! Is that a poodle? Ive always loved poodles! Here pretty pretty pretty! Come to mama….come to ma… ZZZzzzzz….

And that darn anasthesia kicks in. Hours later I find myself in bed and shaking like a leaf in autumn…wait…we don’t have autumn in Kenya! Oops my bad! OK…like a leaf in….er……Limuru. So, where was I, umm..oh, here, so I wake up shaking like a you-know-what in you-know-where (OK am being silly now!) and my friends are looking at me in disbelief…I ask myself, kwani am dead ama? It seems like am awake bur am not…WTH!!??

I try to mumble afew words but nadda! I wonder… Then the doc comes in and tells me to wake up. That the procedure went well.

And here are what we removed.

Eew!! are you trying to kill me again?! He hids the whatever-he-had and smiles and goes away.

And the rest is history.

Voila, am at home and recovering. That was my version of the story. I think someone laced the anasthesia with some pot…hmm…i wonder,,,,,,

Nice tym y’all!

Oh, and I have no lights! Darn KPLC! NB: Here in Kenya, ‘lights’ and ‘electricity’ mean the same thing!

#DontYouHateItWhen

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This may seem like a lack of plot but I actually do lack a plot! Ouch! In other news, I have qualms I’d like to vent here kidogo.
Don’t you hate it when you enter a mat and all you have is a thao note in hand and the makanga looks like he dasnt want anything to do with anyone then here you are ongezeaing him mastress za asubuhi!? Isn’t it so much of an embarrasment when you have to start explaining ati woiye sina pesa ingine (I don’t have any other cash) then you see the poor lad with a down-cum-angry face opening the mat door with gusto to go out and scout for change just for you!?
Don’t you hate it when you’re wearing heels and a skirt and its raining and its like every damn car has beef with you? Every damn car!! all of them start splashing murky puddle water on your nice legs kwanza end its morning! Gai fafa! #Nkt!
Don’t you hate it when its in the cold season and your in a tiny mat sandwitched between two “well built” ladies and both of them don’t give a hoot about your much needed comfort #IfYouKnowWhatIMean!? Its just so annoying! And to top it all off…
Don’t you hate it when still in that teeny weeny mat you’re in, every goddamned person seated at a window explicitly refuses to open the window! Ati coz “kuna baridi”. Baridi my a**! (I think @Chiira posted something like this on his blog.)
And finally, don’t you just hate it when you go to a very expensive looking restaurant eager to savour their delicious meals and what you get is a lousy lazy waiter who looks like he had his fair shots of marijuana for breakfast lunch and brunch? I mean, kwani the supervisor too is in on it? And then you order something and they mutter to you something like “Ala Carte takes longer bla bla bla” WTH is that? OK, you give them respect coz, after all, it is expensive looking! Then finally when your meal arrives it is neatly arranged on a big plate smack right on the middle. No wait…its not the plate thats big! Damn you expensive looking restaurant!
Enjoy your cold Thursday won’t you!

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