TGIFurahidays!

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Thank God Its Furahiday!!!

Yeah baeybey!! *insert Austin Powers voice n facial expressions* LOL!! But Fridays are overrated eh?

Today I am feeling

Kind of ish ish. Some skeletons from the closet have resurfaced and I need to deal with them. The good thing is that I am a different kind of person now. I don’t tolerate nonsense and I completely believe in people keeping it real and true to themselves. There are better things in life to look out for than poking noses into other people’s businesses!

I am thankful for…

…a lot of things. Notice I changed that from “I am excited about”. Reason being that I realised how much I have to be thankful for and somehow I never mention it. Granted I do mention it to myself now and then, but somehow one forgets to show how thankful one is. I am indeed thankful that I am alive, that my life is smooth (yes, it does have rough edges but that’s how life is), that I have loved ones who truly care, and that I am me; this wonderful person who loves humanity, unique and gifted, multitalented and amazing. All thanks to my Creator. *bows down in humility*

On this weekend…

It will be a busy one. But most of my weekends are indeed busy. So much to do so little time. In the end, I gain more and more. Oh, and I wanna begin watching True Blood. I wonder how that will play out. And of course, dealing with the skeletons. We all have them!

I am sooo craving…

Double chocolate fudge cake! Gosh the pic says all! 😛

I just wish…

…that life was easier, simpler. That people would stop meddling in other’s businesses. That they’d focus on their own lives. That we humans could deal with our inner selves and not focus on the outer. That we’d see that there is more to it than meets the eye. That human beings could live together in (more) harmony. That Kenya can weave itself out of tribalism, nepotism, neo-colonialism and other BS that we keep dealing with day in day out…. I could go on and on but I’ll leave that for another day.

This inspired me…

Thanks siz..she is inspiring!

Have a fantabulous Furahiday!

*Over & Out*

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Even Roses Have Thorns

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This is going to be short.

I am only human. Am I making apologies for that? No. But am I acknowledging the fact that I can make mistakes? Yes.

The reason I am making this post is to vent.

Definitions of vent on the Web:

  • give expression or utterance to; “She vented her anger”; “The graduates gave vent to cheers”

I am frustrated. And its not just me, my boss too. Why? I AM INNEFFICIENT! Yes. It may look all rosy on the outside, but enyewe I have no one to blame but ME! I don’t like negative words so I avoid them as much as I can. But at this point I am trying as much as possible to resist shouting to myself and hitting my head on the wall whilst saying “STUPID!! STUPID!! STUPID!!”.

I have no idea why I did this to myself and upto now I am still trying to figure it out.

Ok, so why am I inefficient? Here’s the thing. I was given like the umpteenth chance to redeem myself at work. And when I say umpteenth I do mean umpteenth!!! Probably my immediate superior will read this and wonder kwani what the hell I was doing when all those words were being hurled at me! Its a new position and I need to make it relevant. I am taking up stuff already being handled by others and God knows that isn’t easy. I am so frustrated and angry at myself. SO ANGRY. Yea yea, this is kinda public and kinda personal but hey…its me! This is whats happening. I am mad. Mad angry. And I haven’t the slightest clue how I am gonna fair the next coupla days! Huh!

Okay, I need to stop. We do have our crazy moments at times. This one is mine. And I am sharing it with the whole world. People who know me will now wonder if they knew me. Yes. I am innefficient. Yes. I am lazy. Yes. I am stupid. Yes. I am down. Yes, I am inexperienced. Then why the hell do I have this job? Why the hell do I still have YET ANOTHER CHANCE?????

Reason??? They see something in me. They see potential. They see my brilliance. They see my uniqueness. They see my smartness. You know what? This kinda reminds me of some episodes of America’s Next Top Model. Where Tyra and the rest of the judges would call up a girl on judging day and tell her how she’s so pretty and has all this potential yet she has nothing to show for it. I feel like those girls now. I feel inadequate. I feel horrible. No, don’t console me. I need to feel this. I have to. Its the only way I can get it through my head.

And me? Do I think I have potential? Yes! I do believe I am smart and I have what it takes. I am the one who suggested the position in the first place. I felt it. I have the passion for the organisation. Why doesn’t it show? I have no clue. Imagine that! What kind of a person am I? You must be thinking I am such an instable person. What kind of a mad woman goes in public and cries to the world her frustrations???? Sheesh!! yes. I do think I can do it. Why I am not reeeeallly doing it…now thats the question I need to go ask myself.

I plan to go home today and bang my head in the wall a few times. Maybe like 50 times. Maybe then my apparent brilliance will bounce back. No, I’m not mental. I am fine. Just need a wall and some space. Oh and bandages too. Those will come in handy. I am not laughing. I wish I could.

So why vent like this? Why now? My contract ends soon. I cannot forget those words.

You are butterfly. Pretty but does absolutely NOTHING.

Harsh? Yes, why not. Let it be this way. Let it even be more. I am stupid. I need theraypy. No, a few hundred bangs on the head might do the trick. Then pick me at Nairobi Hospital and I will be good to go.

Am I a fake? I claim to be brilliant. To be creative. To be smarter than I think. To be multi-talented. So many other things. Where is all this? Where is the proof? My former boss may say something about it, but now, come to think of it, maybe she cant. Maybe she was like “phew! Good riddance” when I quit.

I will get back on my feet. And I have to do it fast. I know I said this will be short. Yes, apparently I am a liar too.
But not to worry. Tomorrow is another day. I always believe that I don’t carry forward vents of the yester. Maybe thats a lie too.

Maybe not.

All I know is that at this moment in time. I just want to go home and bury my head in the sand. Maybe a pizza will cheer me up. I wish I had booked it in time. Or a cup of coffee I was offered by a friend. But I wouldnt be any good company at this state.
Bla bla bla. I have blabbered. This is me. This is the real me. I am naïve. I am young. I am learning. I know nothing. Don’t be fooled.

Even roses have thorns and fade away in days.

#DontYouHateItWhen

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This may seem like a lack of plot but I actually do lack a plot! Ouch! In other news, I have qualms I’d like to vent here kidogo.
Don’t you hate it when you enter a mat and all you have is a thao note in hand and the makanga looks like he dasnt want anything to do with anyone then here you are ongezeaing him mastress za asubuhi!? Isn’t it so much of an embarrasment when you have to start explaining ati woiye sina pesa ingine (I don’t have any other cash) then you see the poor lad with a down-cum-angry face opening the mat door with gusto to go out and scout for change just for you!?
Don’t you hate it when you’re wearing heels and a skirt and its raining and its like every damn car has beef with you? Every damn car!! all of them start splashing murky puddle water on your nice legs kwanza end its morning! Gai fafa! #Nkt!
Don’t you hate it when its in the cold season and your in a tiny mat sandwitched between two “well built” ladies and both of them don’t give a hoot about your much needed comfort #IfYouKnowWhatIMean!? Its just so annoying! And to top it all off…
Don’t you hate it when still in that teeny weeny mat you’re in, every goddamned person seated at a window explicitly refuses to open the window! Ati coz “kuna baridi”. Baridi my a**! (I think @Chiira posted something like this on his blog.)
And finally, don’t you just hate it when you go to a very expensive looking restaurant eager to savour their delicious meals and what you get is a lousy lazy waiter who looks like he had his fair shots of marijuana for breakfast lunch and brunch? I mean, kwani the supervisor too is in on it? And then you order something and they mutter to you something like “Ala Carte takes longer bla bla bla” WTH is that? OK, you give them respect coz, after all, it is expensive looking! Then finally when your meal arrives it is neatly arranged on a big plate smack right on the middle. No wait…its not the plate thats big! Damn you expensive looking restaurant!
Enjoy your cold Thursday won’t you!

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