Bye Bye June!

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Seems everyone is doing an “end month post” eh? Haya basi. Here is mine.

Do I have a topic? No, not really but lets see what I come up with.

No by the way I ain’t saying much. Just to say that June has really been a tough month for me and I surely hope July eases up. Well, who doesn’t like challenges? I love them! So let them come! I will show you that when I say I am a unique kinda ladey I ain’t joking! Ha!

Kwanza those frustrations… washana nazo! Zikwende kabisa. I gained from them.

Oh and by the way. Si this is a totally random post? ok.

Deds to kw. She/He has been such a darling! (woiye pliz forgive me! en clarify!) Always here. Following my posts, my ups and downs, my everything. Me I Think…that s/he deserves a clap, nay an applause! Aki ya nani I gats no beef with my other ardent readers…ni vile tu…yani. Enyewe this clap is to all of y’al too for being so nice!! :*

Na wengine wale ambao wananaipenda (and everyone else who love me) I LOVE YOU TOO! MWAH! MWAH!


Have a fruitful, challenging, great month of July!

Pressure Pressure Pressure!

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I wish I was made of stone.

That should be the title of today’s post. Because I really feel like it would be better if I was made of stone. Or brick perhaps. That I would be unbreakable. Unshakeable even. Strength notwithstanding. Somehow even the words that come out of my mind and are written here have that mellowness that I so wish sometimes didn’t exist.

Do you, my ardent and beloved readers, sometimes read my stuff and think, “hey, she really does write weirdly you know…” or something like that? Because even as I write this, I actually think that. And believe me, I am a spontaneous writer. I rarely plan ahead, I think it and I write it. Hence the title of my blog. Which by the way I might add, could have disappeared if it wasn’t for @cdohnio‘s coaxing! LOL!

Back to the point now. At this moment, at this very moment, I simply wish I knew it all. I wish I could handle it all. With a click of a button, or a snap of my fingers. I have so much to do, so little time. But even as I play that phrase in my mind I realise how wrong it is. We all have the same time. Basically, the time is as is. Never changing. Cant go back. But its up to us to determine how we spend it. Whether we are going to be consumed by distractions, or our little addictions that we believe have gone away only to realise later that we replaced them with others…whether we are going to fix our minds to focus on that which is more important. As in, there is so much to consider mpaka at times, I think, we spend a whole deal considering it all, rather than doing it.

Wait just a minute…did all that make any sense?

Huh?

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Anyhoo, I simply hope, and pray, that even when my mind wanders and makes mistakes on my behalf (LOL! Saa ni nini hiyo?) that the mistakes made make sense…somehow.(SMH!) and that my delusions make strides in my life. (SMHS!!).

Lets see. I shall not succumb to it. Rather…i will let it flow. Let it go. Let it be. As it has always been. Make improvements. Be me. Improve me. Make do. You know, be the best that I can be.

p.s. I know a lot of what I have written may or may not make any sense, but it makes perfect sense to me. Now the question you may want to ask yourself is… is your perfect sense my perfect sense?

TGIFurahidays!

Thank God Its Furahiday!!

Yea, thank Him indeed. Ungekuwa wapi kama sio Yeye? Na kwa kweli naamini Anaishi! (Where could you be without Him? And indeed I believe He lives!)

I dedicate this post to

Nkirdizzle and Kawiria. Because of continuing the TGIFridays tradition. And I joined in 🙂

I am excited about

This weekend I get to relax and reflect. The following week I get to analyze if some of the measures I took this week made any impact. So…

I'm excited!!!

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This past week was like

Huh!!!

Sometimes you gotta just stick it up and suck it in!

My philosophy is and has always been

“Live and Let Live; Love and Let Love”

Phew!!!

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Fab Weekend Y’all!!

Wamathai Spoken Word

Venue: Secrets Lounge, View Park Towers, Downtown Nairobi
Date: 30 June 2010 Time: 7:00P.M. – 9:30P.M.
Charges: Kshs. 100

Born in June 2009 as wamathai.blogspot.com, Wamathai.com started as a space for author Wamathai Warugongo to exercise his creative juices. Eventually, other authors joined the founder and started submitting original Kenyan poetry and short stories. Wamathai.com has since its humble beginnings crossed the 10,000 unique visitors mark. The site, now with 20 authors, is one of the few spaces on the Internet one can find a unique blend of fresh and exciting writing from Kenya from several creative genres. Wamathai is turning 1 year old and will be hosting a celebration with its authors and several invited guests who will be performing some of the most popular pieces of poetry and creative writing. This will be happening at the Secrets Lounge in View Park towers in downtown Nairobi. Special guests to this event include popular afro fusion singer Dela , TV presenter and blogger Anyiko Owoko, Michael Kwambo from the highly respected poetry collective Mstari Wa Nne, Recording & Spoken Word Artist Jemedari, Spoken word artists Wanjeri Gakuru, Kevin Gachuma, Wanjiku Mwaurah and many more. Live music for this celebration will be provided by Mizizi the band.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=129329223757028

You know I’mma be there!!!

Recovering From Phone Addiction

It is said that one never recovers from an addiction. You either are an addict or a recovering addict. Interesting don’t you think?

I am a recovering addict. My addiction? Phones! Mobile phones to be precise. I am a lover of these hand-held contraptions. I simply can’t get enough of them! And my favourite of them all obviously is NOKIA. Dunno why. Just love it. (Btw this was in drafts…so not my style!)

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So just how many have I had? (And mind you I aint bragging here!)

  1. My 1st ever phone was a Sagem. Can’t remember the make. Where did it end up? I think I sold it to my uncle or something.
  2. Later, I ‘found’ a Nokia 3210 somewhere! It was conned off me! :p
  3. So when I was foneless for a while I got myself a Nokia 1110. It bored me very fast…
  4. So I got a Motorolla flap phone. Can’t remember the make. Even that, within months was a bore,…so I moved on,
  5. I got myself a Motorolla L6i. From what I can remember, I liked it since it had radio…something that was rare in Moto fones! That one was stolen!
  6. Angry and disappointed, I went ahead and grabbed a Nokia 2310. My mom ensured I got a cheap one. It didnt last.
  7. In my upgrading moods..I went behind her back and got myself a Samsung Drogba…remember that one? Yep!! That one was mysteriously lost! After a day!!! I think I left it in a loo somewhere. SMH!! Stupid idiot I was!
  8. Then later, recovering from that shock, I got a Nokia 1650. Don’t ask me how I remember mpaka the makes! This one stayed for a while…till my buddy decided to get drunk and flush it! Gai fafa!!
  9. He replaced it with a silly Alcatel that I wonder why I’m even mentioning! NKT! I reverted to my Nokia 2310 which was (thanks to dear mommy-who I know has a better memory than I do-ensured I kept)
  10. Then I upgraded to a sweet, sexy Samsung M620. Boy did I love this phone. It stayed for kedo 3 months and then mysteriously disappeared. I aint tellin!
  11. So I went back again to a Samsung B something something which was an offer and cost me kedo 2k but was a major #FAIL since it kept dying on me! And voila…I snapped.

Disclaimer: Please note that I am deliberately leaving out all manner of china phones in between. I had like three or four of those! #SMHSeriously!

And there is my silly addiction. After all that, and then some, January this year, I got myself a Nokia 7210 Supernova. Shock on me! This has been the LONGEST SERVING and LASTING phone I have ever had. It has lasted for six months, this one being the sixth! She has been loyal to me. Never has she given me that famous White Screen Of Death (WSD), though the battery kufas so quickly because I am also a twitterholic I am a somewhat satisfied customer. They should pay me! And I have no intentions whatsoever for upgrading any time soon. I may have shown the enthusiasm and will to do so, but guess what, I AM A RECOVERING PHONEHOLIC!

YAY!

I am recovering from my silly addiction. When I bought this phone my pweety Sassy Supernova I christened her “My Microwave”. Why? Because I don’t have a microwave at home. I bought this phone at about Ksh.8,000. And thats about the same price that a decent microwave would go for. So I gave it that name to always remind me that…

if I hadn’t bought it, I could be owning a microwave by now!

Its a reality I have to face every time I use it. So I am happy that I can now somehow reel in my phone addictions. I now stopped stopping at phone vendors who like k-street sex-workers shamelessly showcase the ‘latest’ and ‘newest’ makes and models of phones on every corner of every street in Nairobi. As in esp the lower side of town, there is virtually nowhere you can look without being ‘flashed’ and ‘wooed’ by those nice and tempting bright display cabinets!

Phew! Am done.

Made in Kenya

I am Kenyan.

Made in Kenya(p.c. africantees.com)

I am human.

(p.c. rlv.zcache.com)

But I am a strong woman!

Super Woman! (p.c. sweetanniesjewelery.wordpress.com)

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Even Roses Have Thorns

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This is going to be short.

I am only human. Am I making apologies for that? No. But am I acknowledging the fact that I can make mistakes? Yes.

The reason I am making this post is to vent.

Definitions of vent on the Web:

  • give expression or utterance to; “She vented her anger”; “The graduates gave vent to cheers”

I am frustrated. And its not just me, my boss too. Why? I AM INNEFFICIENT! Yes. It may look all rosy on the outside, but enyewe I have no one to blame but ME! I don’t like negative words so I avoid them as much as I can. But at this point I am trying as much as possible to resist shouting to myself and hitting my head on the wall whilst saying “STUPID!! STUPID!! STUPID!!”.

I have no idea why I did this to myself and upto now I am still trying to figure it out.

Ok, so why am I inefficient? Here’s the thing. I was given like the umpteenth chance to redeem myself at work. And when I say umpteenth I do mean umpteenth!!! Probably my immediate superior will read this and wonder kwani what the hell I was doing when all those words were being hurled at me! Its a new position and I need to make it relevant. I am taking up stuff already being handled by others and God knows that isn’t easy. I am so frustrated and angry at myself. SO ANGRY. Yea yea, this is kinda public and kinda personal but hey…its me! This is whats happening. I am mad. Mad angry. And I haven’t the slightest clue how I am gonna fair the next coupla days! Huh!

Okay, I need to stop. We do have our crazy moments at times. This one is mine. And I am sharing it with the whole world. People who know me will now wonder if they knew me. Yes. I am innefficient. Yes. I am lazy. Yes. I am stupid. Yes. I am down. Yes, I am inexperienced. Then why the hell do I have this job? Why the hell do I still have YET ANOTHER CHANCE?????

Reason??? They see something in me. They see potential. They see my brilliance. They see my uniqueness. They see my smartness. You know what? This kinda reminds me of some episodes of America’s Next Top Model. Where Tyra and the rest of the judges would call up a girl on judging day and tell her how she’s so pretty and has all this potential yet she has nothing to show for it. I feel like those girls now. I feel inadequate. I feel horrible. No, don’t console me. I need to feel this. I have to. Its the only way I can get it through my head.

And me? Do I think I have potential? Yes! I do believe I am smart and I have what it takes. I am the one who suggested the position in the first place. I felt it. I have the passion for the organisation. Why doesn’t it show? I have no clue. Imagine that! What kind of a person am I? You must be thinking I am such an instable person. What kind of a mad woman goes in public and cries to the world her frustrations???? Sheesh!! yes. I do think I can do it. Why I am not reeeeallly doing it…now thats the question I need to go ask myself.

I plan to go home today and bang my head in the wall a few times. Maybe like 50 times. Maybe then my apparent brilliance will bounce back. No, I’m not mental. I am fine. Just need a wall and some space. Oh and bandages too. Those will come in handy. I am not laughing. I wish I could.

So why vent like this? Why now? My contract ends soon. I cannot forget those words.

You are butterfly. Pretty but does absolutely NOTHING.

Harsh? Yes, why not. Let it be this way. Let it even be more. I am stupid. I need theraypy. No, a few hundred bangs on the head might do the trick. Then pick me at Nairobi Hospital and I will be good to go.

Am I a fake? I claim to be brilliant. To be creative. To be smarter than I think. To be multi-talented. So many other things. Where is all this? Where is the proof? My former boss may say something about it, but now, come to think of it, maybe she cant. Maybe she was like “phew! Good riddance” when I quit.

I will get back on my feet. And I have to do it fast. I know I said this will be short. Yes, apparently I am a liar too.
But not to worry. Tomorrow is another day. I always believe that I don’t carry forward vents of the yester. Maybe thats a lie too.

Maybe not.

All I know is that at this moment in time. I just want to go home and bury my head in the sand. Maybe a pizza will cheer me up. I wish I had booked it in time. Or a cup of coffee I was offered by a friend. But I wouldnt be any good company at this state.
Bla bla bla. I have blabbered. This is me. This is the real me. I am naïve. I am young. I am learning. I know nothing. Don’t be fooled.

Even roses have thorns and fade away in days.

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